Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
