"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
