The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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