Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
