her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
