Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
