I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
