What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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