I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
