I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
