Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
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