So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
