I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
