fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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