I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
