So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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