Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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