saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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