wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
