toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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