Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
