She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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