proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
