You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
