You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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