Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
My vagina just recognized that song.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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