WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Randomize
