Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
