someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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