It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Who died my cat blue again?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
