??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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