i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
