i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
