girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
