we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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