I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
