Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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