it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I look better un-naked...
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
