You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Randomize
