I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
