so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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