$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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