I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
