He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
