well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
