Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
