he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
