I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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