these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
