Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
